


Love in Living Colour

by TrickstersBlessing (Rinielle)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (You Know Which One), Background: Jester/Beau, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 03:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17780138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinielle/pseuds/TrickstersBlessing
Summary: Fjord has never admitted it, but a part of him has been waiting his whole life to find his soulmate. So when he meets Caleb and his whole world erupts into colour, he knows he should be happy. There's only one problem. Caleb's world hasn't.{{My humble input to the Widofjord discord's Valentine's Gift Exchange. For Riley}}





	Love in Living Colour

**Author's Note:**

> This fic ended up being like... 90% canon compliant. Which I guess says a lot about our boys.

Trostenwald was dull and grey.

Most places were dull and grey in fairness, but for some reason ever since they’d set foot in the little town it had begun to feel more oppressive than it usually did.

Perhaps it was the huge circus tent that was being raised as they arrived.

Jester had been so excited about it, begging for them to go later. Beauregard was difficult to read at times, but even he could tell that her shrug and her ‘yeah sure whatever’ was actually a ringing endorsement of the idea. Fjord had agreed, if only because it would be something to do in a town that really didn’t seem to have anything to do. Jester had a thing about getting bored, in that she didn’t like it, and when Jester was avoiding getting bored, things seemed to end up in places they really shouldn’t be. People too.

So they agreed to go to the circus, though for now it seemed they were simply setting up. Fjord gazed at the half raised striped tent, grey, dark grey and light grey all around and felt, more than usual, the distinct lack of colour in the world. As they walked away, Jester cooed at Beau over the how amazing the yellow and red and blue all looked together. Beau nodded along, the tiniest smile tugging at her lips when a vibrant purple tiefling walked nearby and Jester grabbed her hand in excitement. It was new for them, exciting, so he didn’t begrudge them it. It still stung a little to know he was surrounded by so much colour and was unable to experience any of it.

It hadn’t mattered so much at sea. Sure he’d have liked to have seen the blue of the ocean, but it hadn’t felt like he was missing so much, surrounded as he was by plenty of others who were seeing precisely what he was seeing. It had even been refreshing to meet Jester, who was lively and excitable and just plain joyful despite not seeing colour either. She didn’t get out much, she had told him, so she hadn’t had much chance to meet anyone nevermind her soulmate.  
She had spent a slightly disturbing amount of time staring at him for the first few minutes of their acquaintance, but finally she had hopped back and said “Guess we’ll just be best friends then,” and she hadn’t left since. After a few days of knowing each other she had shown him her journal, the pages filled with beautiful pencil sketches.

“I want to be a painter, one day,” she had said, a little wistful, as the two of them had stared out at the distant ocean. “When I can see it all.” Then they had stood and left the Menagerie Coast behind them; for how long, he had no idea.

Not a few weeks later they’d run into Beau and after some rather brusque introductions, both girls had stared at each other dumbfounded before spluttering ‘That’s blue!’ at the exact same moment. Fjord was happy for them, really. Two lonely people who had somehow against all the odds found each other and brought colour into one another’s lives. He told himself that he’d long since given up on such a thing happening to him, but as they walked away from the circus with it’s apparent array of colours, he couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest he hadn’t felt in years.

\---

They stopped for the night at a little inn in the centre of town. It had been something of a day and Fjord had slept from pretty much the moment he fell onto his bed to the moment Jester had pounded on his door and told him to “Wake up sleepy head!” He had made his way, grumbling, down to breakfast, his muscles still aching slightly and the three of them had found a table toward the back.

The morning was progressing much as they often did, he had been sat quietly as Jester chattered away to Beau, until the man from yesterday - Rinaldo Fjord though was his name - had entered and thanked them again for their help. It wasn’t very often that people thanked him and emptied caps filled with coin practically into his lap, and he was still feeling rather stunned when Rinaldo walked away. Well aware that this was probably not a normal occurance for anyone he glanced around, seeking out any wandering eyes that might lead to wandering hands if someone was foolish enough. One group of gentlemen across the way turned their eyes hastily back to their drinks when they realised he’d caught them looking; another pair of eyes however was less easily chased away. Sat at the table beside them, the hooded figure seemed to be leaning ever closer with each coin that Beau deposited on one of their three piles.

“Okay that’s two gold for Jester, two for me and one… no wait that’s not right.” Beau frowned, “I swear I used to be good at this shit,” she grumbled, and Jester patted her encouragingly on the shoulder.

“Disgustin’” Fjord intoned as the hooded figure began inching their chair ever so slightly in their direction.

“What?” Jester asked, and Beau looked up from where she was now carefully counting out silver.

“I think we got people watchin’ us,” he said quietly.

Jester’s eyes went wide, “Who is watching us?” she whispered.

He nodded slightly in the direction of the table beside them and as Jester’s head swivelled, the hooded figure, whoever they were, finally turned away, chair scooting back to where it had been originally. They leant over to their companion, a very worn looking gentleman with what looked like mud practically smeared across his face as though he’d slept face down in the street for some reason. The man said something to them, too low for Fjord to hear. Beau passed out what she proclaimed was each of their fair share of coin, and Fjord tucked it away as quickly and as surreptitiously as he could. In doing so, he took his eyes off of Jester, which was never a good idea and by the time he had looked up she was already out of her chair and leaning over the next table.

“Are you guys staying here?” she shouted. What followed was a conversation that Fjord couldn’t hear, though it seemed to go pretty typically for one of Jester’s conversations. The man whose face was visible seemed to go from reserved, to deeply confused very quickly. His companion, whom Fjord had initially assumed was Halfling from their size, he could now see didn’t quite fit the bill for that race. The skin seemed almost green in the admittedly dim light of the bar, and the lower part of the face seemed to be obscured by a white porcelain mask.

Beau shouted over a greeting in Halfling however, and the response that came back at least sounded like the same language. When their conversation was over Beau had flagged down the girl who had brought their drinks and asked for a coffee for the other table.

“They’re bein’ mighty fuckin’ friendly. They were looking at our coin,” he said to her as she took her seat again.

“Why can’t they have been looking at me?” she asked, brushing a stray bit of hair behind her ear, “Maybe they were looking at me?”

He rolled his eyes, “I didn’t think of that,” he replied.

“Yeah, maybe they were looking at you. After all you’re so handsome as Jester said,”

Before he could conceive of a response to that, he heard the man talking to Jester suddenly shout for another Trost and the sound seemed to reverberate in the bar around him; everything in his immediate vision suddenly began to swim.

When things finally seemed to settle into place once again the barmaid had arrived and was asking for their breakfast orders. As Jester began to rattle off a list of pastries she’d particularly like Fjord found the man whose voice appeared to have started his odd turn, and was struck very suddenly with his hair. It was red. Fjord wasn’t quite sure why precisely he was so sure of that fact. Hair was tricky. There were certain things you knew for sure, because other people would tell you. The sky and the ocean were blue, grass and trees were green, stone was grey, fire burned red and orange. Hair was harder, most shades looked incredibly similar when they were reduced to grey.

Imagining colour was impossible. Fjord had sometimes thought perhaps he had managed it but he realised quite suddenly that he had never imagined anything like the colour burning into his eyes right now. Rather like fire he supposed. He blinked, half expecting it to go away, a remnant of whatever headache had just overcome him. It remained, however.

“Sir?”

“Huh?”

“What do you want Fjord?” Jester asked, he looked at her. She was blue. Very very blue, with violet eyes.

“For what?” he replied.

“For breakfast what else?” Beau looked at him like he’d gone crazy, and perhaps he had because he could make out every shade of blue in her monks robes, the dark brown of her hair and slightly paler tone of her skin.

“Uh, pork belly, if you have it” he said, slightly absently. His eyes flickered back to the table besides theirs. The smaller hooded figure was turned in his direction and staring intently through what he could now just make out were yellow eyes. He shrank back a little under the scrutiny and let his eyes shift to her companion. There was no doubting it, everything was quite suddenly in colour, and the thing that had triggered it had been that man’s voice, yet the man himself seemed quite unperturbed.

Fjord supposed it was possible that the man was hard of hearing or something, he hadn’t exactly been speaking loudly. Even as he thought about leaning across to properly introduce himself all of their attention was captured by an assault on Fjord’s eyes that nothing could have prepared him for. A tiefling, the very same one that had wandered past them the day before as they had come upon the circus, had found his way to their table. He was indeed purple as Jester had said, but that hardly did him justice, his horns were set with jewelry of all colours, his skin tattooed and his coat so ostentatious that Fjord couldn’t even put it into words.

He introduced himself as Mollymauk Tealeaf and everything after that simply didn’t leave opportunity for, well, checking whether or not your soulmate was sat one table away from you. Covered head to toe in dirt, and potentially having just finished plotting with his compatriot how to steal your money.

Fjord groaned slightly, unable to believe that this was how this was happening; Jester gave him a funny look.

“Do you not want to go anymore Fjord?” she asked,

“Huh?”

“To the circus.”

“I promise you won’t regret it,” said Mollymauk, all smiles.

“Oh, yeah, no we’ll go Jester,” he coughed, “I think I’m just still feeling the events of yesterday right now, I’ll be alright in a bit,”

“If you’re too tired old man,” teased Beau. He rolled his eyes at her and she laughed, sticking a strip of bacon in her mouth.

“What about you guys, are you coming with us?” Jester turned to their neighbours, whom they had now established were called Caleb and Nott. Another thing that had apparently been established was that Nott was a goblin, but they’d all collectively decided not to care about that. Fjord hadn’t really been there for the decision, he’d hardly been able to keep his staring at Caleb to an acceptable level and when he hadn’t been doing that he’d been staring into his own food. Still he had no issue with Nott, so long as she kept her fingers away from his coin purse.

“We can go,” said Caleb, either because he wanted to or because both Nott and Jester were sending him wide eyed pleading looks. They both cheered and immediately started plotting between themselves. It was amazing how Jester seemed to make friends so quickly. Fjord rather marveled at her sometimes. Part of him wishing at this moment he could borrow just a little of her confidence. Then maybe he could ask Caleb for a quiet word or something and… he had no idea what he was even supposed to say.

‘Hi. I’m Fjord and apparently we’re soulmates?’  
‘Hi. I’m the person who is supposed to be perfect for you, how you feelin’ about that?’  
‘So hey, how about that tiefling huh? I may have never seen colour before today but now I think I’ve seen them all how about you?’

He sighed, picking at his food, while Beau grilled Jester on something that had happened whilst he’d been spacing out.

It was funny. There were a lot of stories about how it felt to meet your soulmate, most of them involved instant connection and a lot of running and kissing and generally being happy. Of course they all usually included both parties having actually acknowledged the whole soulmate thing in the first place. There was no chance that Caleb had not heard him speak by now, and Fjord had been watching him close enough to know he’d had no visible reaction to the world suddenly spinning and bursting into colour.

Nott’s voice broke through his thoughts as she began to laud Caleb’s prowess with magic, and Fjord’s ears perked up. A few moments later a cat magically appeared from nowhere at a click of Caleb’s fingers and Fjord began to seriously question whether or not the universe was simply having a joke at his expense. The magic was impressive, and he made sure to say so, but he could already feel his nose tickling. Of course his soulmate was a cat person. On top of everything else why not?

He shook his head. Maybe something had gone wrong. Maybe someone else in the bar had said something at the exact moment Caleb had shouted and actually one of them was his soulmate and just as confused as he was. He looked around the bar carefully, but there didn’t seem to be anyone who seemed perturbed by the sudden ability to distinguish red and green. Also, not that Fjord was particularly shallow, but the few people who were scattered around the bar were mostly of an older, more grizzled appearance than he would have ever anticipated in a soulmate. Then again, the still most likely candidate seemed perfectly happy to have mud smeared across his face.

As his eyes roamed around the room there was a sudden burst of air and all the windows flew open in a very familiar manner. His eyes flickered over to Jester.

“Hey Jester, remember how we talked about keepin’ a low profile?”

She grinned at him.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” she said, sticking her tongue out and all the windows slammed shut again a moment later.

“What?”

“Dude you have been out of it for the last hour,” said Beau, leaning back in her chair and stroking the cat. Fjord sniffed again.

“Can you take the cat elsewhere,” he said, well aware of the blatant change of subject.

“Why are you allergic to magic cats?”

“It seems like a pretty real cat,” and as if on cue, he sneezed.

Beau rolled her eyes, but she at least had the decency to move away. Fjord couldn’t help but notice Caleb did not look too happy.

“Are you okay Fjord?” Jester leant across to him, staring into his face in the unnerving way she often did.

He sighed, “Just tired,” he replied, swallowing around the lie. If Jester realised there was more to it she had the decency to leave it alone for once.

“I’ll uh…” he pushed his chair back, “I think I’ll head back upstairs and join you all later,”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” his eyes flickered one last time to Caleb but the man was in conversation with Nott and wasn’t paying him any attention. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach he wasn’t quite prepared for.

“Okay well… we’ll come and find you when we’re going to the circus then,” Jester gave him a slightly worried once over, and he felt just a little of his anxiety pass. For all she could be something of a troublemaker at times, she cared, and he was glad to have her around. He gave her a smile as he left.

Alone, back in his room, he collapsed on his bed.

He’d never wished more that he was actually tired. Right now every second his eyes were open and taking in all the new hues of the world felt like a mocking little voice in his head. He jammed them shut. But even closed the light pierced through, a sort of orange haze rather than black. With a growl he turned over, burying his head in his pillow and relishing in the darkness that finally overtook him.

What was wrong with him?

Unbidden, a memory of Sabien sprang to mind. He was sat on a barrel, his own figure still grey but the sky behind him was a bright blue. He bit into an apple as he casually mocked the very idea of soulmates. He’d never had much time for romance, neither had a lot of the crew. Fjord had kept his thoughts to himself much of the time, not wanting to be made fun of.

_“It’s just… a bit pathetic really.” Sabien was saying, “Like you know there are people who wait their whole lives, just hoping this one person will fall into their path, never do anything or see anyone else. All for some person, they don’t even know. I mean what if your soulmate is seriously unfortunate looking or something. Seems like a damned waste to me.” he scoffed and Fjord hummed noncommittally._

_Sabien eyed him, raising an eyebrow, “Don’t tell me you’re still hanging onto the idea,”_

_“I didn’t say anything,”_

_“You’re twenty-nine and you spend ninety percent of your life in the open sea, who’s your soulmate going to be, a giant sea-serpent?_ ”

An humourless laugh bubbled out of him, though it was muffled by the pillow. Sabien would love this. Fjord finally finds his soulmate and they don’t so much as look up. Of course. It’s so damn typical. Every other time he’d thought he’d found something real, it had betrayed him or been ripped away; a friend, a father, a home. Why not this too? That bastard would find this hilarious. Fjord shook his head and rolled over onto his back, opening his eyes again. The last thing he needed was to be thinking about that traitorous asshole.

Still. Perhaps he had had a point. What was a soulmate anyway? Just because two people could potentially be perfect for each other, didn’t mean they had to be each other’s only option for happiness. The guy was standoffish, filthy, probably a thief. Not to mention he and his little friend were definitely hiding from someone. It was probably for the best that they didn’t acknowledge this. Who knew what sort of trouble he could end up in following a guy like that around.

He tried to tell himself it was fine. They’d go to this circus thing, then tomorrow he and Beau and Jester would head out and he’d never have to see Caleb again.

Just one night and then goodbye and thanks for the rainbow.

It was for the best.

It was.

It just still hurt.

\---

It wasn’t just one night.

Everything went to hell so fast at the circus that Fjord had barely processed it before it was already over and there were two dead bodies on the floor. Jester was kneeling over Beau to heal what looked like pretty serious wounds, and the Crown’s Guard was already circling.

That one night stretched out.

At first Fjord thought Caleb and Nott had scarpered after the battle, and really who could have blamed them. His own thoughts were still reeling from the encounter. Sailors were superstitious by nature, and there had always been whispers of ghosts and undead rising from the sea, but he’d never in all his years actually come across one. When he realised they weren’t with them at the jail he wouldn’t have been at all surprised if they had taken the first chance to leave town.

But then there they both had been back at the tavern, and the night had stretched well into the early hours of the morning, and whether for good or bad they had actually talked. A lot. Caleb had even demonstrated some magic at Fjord’s request. An ‘easy’ trick that had nevertheless seemed very impressive to Fjord; still new as he was to the very idea of magic. Over the course of the day some of the dirt had fallen away from Caleb’s face and for a moment, the light from one of the magical globes he had created had hit his face just as a small and genuine smile pulled at his lips. He looked almost, possibly, like maybe somewhere underneath everything… perhaps just a little bit handsome and Fjord, tipsy as he was, had swallowed hard and not looked at him directly again for the rest of the night.

Then suddenly they were planning what to do the next day, and Caleb and Nott were joining in, despite not being under any orders to remain in the tavern. Leaving for them would be simple, yet they stayed, and they helped.

That first day and night became two, and then three. They investigated, tracked down and killed the fiend responsible for the deaths and before Fjord knew it, their little group of three was now a group of six. Seven if you included Yasha, who had agreed to try and meet them again later on.

As they readied themselves to head out for Zadash, Fjord’s mind was still reeling slightly over how this could have happened. Despite having more than one opportunity Caleb had still said nothing, nor had he given any indication that he had had any sort of change in his senses. He had also been a valuable ally and on more than one occasion Fjord had begun to see a little of why the world thought he was supposed to fall for this man. If so much could be seen in just three days, with so much going on, Fjord was worried about how days on the road was going to affect him.

This wasn’t supposed to have happened. They were supposed to go their separate ways. Fjord had gone his whole life without a soulmate, and now he had found one it seemed like it might be easier to be apart than to have to keep pretending nothing was going on.

He hung back as Molly gave Yasha a hug goodbye and then leapt up onto the wagon ready to drive. Jester and Beau hurried past him, with Nott following close behind.

“You know,” he jumped, the now familiar Zemnian accent piercing through his thoughts, he looked down to his side to find Caleb gazing out over their group, “This group seems a little rough around the edges. But you seem clever. Hopefully we can make this work,”

Fjord felt his mouth go dry, and he tried to search Caleb’s face for any indication that he was trying to perhaps say more than he was outwardly saying. He seemed however to be watching Jester helping Nott up onto the wagon beside Molly.

“I…” He swallowed as best he could, “I think we should be able to. I mean you seem to be good at lookin’ out for Nott,”

Caleb smiled a little, “Full disclosure, I’m a little rough around the edges too, but you catch my drift,”

“I do. You can trust us. You’re… safe here,” he felt his heart skitter just a little when Caleb looked up at him at that, coughing he added, “You know, I’m concerned with what happens to Jester and Beau. I think, amongst all of us, we should be fine,”

“Let’s make it work,” Caleb said.

Fjord hesitated, rolling the words over in his head. Feeling every bit as pathetic as Sabien would probably think he was for hoping, one day, those words might mean something more.

“Yeah,” he managed, his voice tight, “We’ll make it work,”

\---

Honestly despite his agreement with Caleb, as they had set out Fjord hadn’t been entirely certain the group would last the full trip to Zadash never mind any further than that. Beau and Molly kept clashing over just about everything, both Nott and Jester got the whole group in trouble more than once with their tendency to either pull pranks or attempt to steal from other passing travelers. After his little declaration Caleb had sunk into melancholy and that was riling Beau up, which in turn had annoyed Nott, and Jester hadn’t wanted to take sides.

Between Nott and Caleb sending them all on a wild buffalo chase, Fjord himself coughing up salt water after a dream he had absolutely no desire to share details of, their second day of travel together didn’t get off to a much better start. Everyone was grumpy and Fjord was certain they were all at least a little suspicious of him. He didn’t blame them exactly, he wasn’t sure himself what had happened and could only imagine how it looked to everyone else. Still it wasn’t a nice feeling, even if it did mean he caught Caleb looking over at him more often than usual.

The point was that all in all it wasn’t exactly the most cohesive of units for those first few days of travel.

Still there were certain things people couldn’t go through without coming out the other side feeling some sort of real camaraderie. Turned out that clearing out a mineshaft full of Knolls, slaying a Manticore and saving people from certain death were just some of those things. By the time they left the village of Alfield they had even given themselves a name, somewhat ridiculous though it was. For the first time Fjord was starting to think they might just have made the right choice in banding together, and that perhaps he could be okay with whatever this all was with Caleb. Things were fine.

He was fine.

When a day later Caleb went down, taking three crossbow bolts to the chest, Fjord felt his own heart stop. The intensity of it was as unexpected as the assault on them had been. The only consolation was that Caleb had obliterated the leader of the band of thieves right before being hit, and Fjord’s own magic had floored another, giving them all pause, and Jester the chance to get to Caleb before the damage was irreversible. The urge to run over himself was strong, every muscle in his body was screaming at him to run over, to do something. He held his ground, carefully maneuvering himself between the remaining thieves and Caleb’s unconscious form, discouraging them from making any other moves.

He heard Caleb groan as he came awake from Jester’s spell and relief had flooded through Fjord.

He was not fine.

He’d known Caleb barely more than a week and he’d already watched him go down twice in a fight. Despite his better instincts he found himself walking a little closer to Caleb on the road, jumping at shadows even. If Caleb noticed, he had the grace not to comment on it, but Fjord found himself on the receiving end of some slightly curious stares from Jester and the occasional distrusting glance from Nott.

He’d tried to reason with himself.

Whatever anybody said, it simply didn’t make sense to feel so strongly for a person you’d only just met. When he really got right down to it he wasn’t even sure what it was he really even liked about Caleb. He didn’t know anything about him, how could he like him. If anything, he thought to himself, this whole experience was just proof that the whole soulmate thing was ridiculous, and unfair, and cruel even. How many people had possibly ended up with people they didn’t even like, just because the tone of their voice happened to make colour appear? Maybe, it was a good thing Caleb had either ignored the change or, that something had gone wrong. Maybe, they weren’t right for each other and this was a reprieve.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Caleb watching Beau and Jester with a soft, almost wistful smile, as Jester carefully wove some wildflowers she had found into Beau’s hair, and he felt his irritation melt away.

Their days together rolled on. Their first day in Zadash had brought Fjord face to face with a sparkling clean Caleb for the first time and several days later he was still reeling from it.

\---

His life with the Mighty Nein was destined to never be boring.

As they all hurried away from the remains of the High-Richter’s house, he felt his stomach churning in knots, replaying the look on Caleb’s face when he had pointed his sword at him. He hadn’t really known what he was doing. He’d seen the movement and all he could think was they couldn’t risk being caught. Just for a moment, he had hated Caleb.

Hated him for putting them all at risk over a scroll case, hated that part of him wanted to let him take it, hated that Caleb wasn’t feeling the same tearing of conscience and heart. Then everything had fallen apart anyway, and Jester was helping an almost frantic Fjord carry Caleb’s unconscious form out of the burning house. Unknowingly walking themselves into ever more insanity.

He kept his distance a little more after that night. Or perhaps Caleb kept his distance from him. It didn’t really matter, they both needed some space. Nott kept a closer eye on him than ever. Once he thought about trying to talk to her about it, to explain what had happened; that he’d panicked. Then he thought that probably wouldn’t help. Besides, he should apologise to Caleb first. Just as soon as he got up the courage.

He thought about it after they won the Harvest Close tournament. Towards the end of the party he was just the right side of tipsy, but he had found Caleb tucked away near the exit, with the strangest look on his downturned face. A sort of far away anger mixed with fear. He wanted to ask what was wrong, when he realised Caleb’s eyes were glazed over in the way that meant he was watching through his cat’s eyes. Scanning the room he caught sight of an older man Beau had gone to speak with reaching down to scratch Frumpkin’s ears. A few seconds later Caleb was back, but Beau and Yasha had returned too and any chance to talk alone went out the window once more. At least until he was sober, and too afraid once again.

\---

He comes to for the second time in as many minutes to find the troll lying several feet away, the entire top of his body burnt to cinders, and Caleb slumped on his knees a little ways beyond. He drew himself up as best he could, but he was still hurting and only made it as far as a tree; leaning back against it as Beau made her way over to pick Caleb up. Fjord laughed humourlessly to himself, coughing a little along with it. It was ironic, really, that he had helped Beau to patch up her relationship with Caleb after their argument. He still hadn’t found the courage to apologise himself.  
He watched them wander away from the group, hating himself just a little, whilst Jester continued to poke at him to make sure he really was okay. When Caleb had returned to them he had said, “You shook it off?” and cringed. Apparently ‘Are you okay?’ was just too difficult for him.

Still, Caleb had nodded, only wincing a little as Beau smacked him on the back. “He’s great,”

Fjord tuned her out, and the others, watching Caleb’s face as they all discussed what had happened with him. Briefly, so briefly, he caught Fjord’s eye, then looked away as if burnt himself.

“... she’d probably be cool with it,” Jester was saying.

“But Fjord is still here,” said Caleb, looking just about everywhere except at Fjord himself, “Let’s focus on the good things in our lives,”

Fjord felt his heart suddenly hammer in his chest, everyone else was looking at him, and he could feel his cheeks heating up under the scrutiny. Finally Caleb met his gaze again too and he swallowed hard.

“Yeah,” he choked out, “Thank you Caleb. I appreciate that,”

Caleb had given him one of those small, rare smiles and had gone back to intensely studying the ground.

\---

He liked Caleb.

The realisation was probably a little redundant at this point, since whatever force it was that apparently held Fjord’s attention on the wizard had been proving itself too strong to overcome completely for weeks, but it felt important.

They’d only been back on the road again a few days when he was woken in the middle of the night once again to find Caleb leaning over him, this time hissing ‘Wake up, there’s an ambush’. Not five minutes later they had found themselves face to face with a very familiar set of ridiculous criminals.

Fjord was watching Caleb quietly question their life choices and finding himself unable to prevent a smile at the incredulous look on the wizard’s face at their complete and total stupidity. Then he realised it. He liked Caleb.

Actually liked, rather than, was magically and irresistibly drawn to. Caleb made him smile. It wasn’t the first time he had done so, but he’d been spending so much time trying to avoid letting him, this was the first time he had allowed himself to realise what it meant. Probably because he was exhausted and not thinking straight, and perhaps still reeling slightly from the lose up of the light stubble that was already growing back on Caleb’s face since Yasha had shaved his beard off.

The realisation came with an almost instant swooping sensation in his stomach, a sort of giddiness that their current situation - dressing down bandits - probably didn’t really merit. It was only when the thieves were well on their way and he lay back down to sleep that the haze of happiness that had come along with it, solidified sharply into a dark cloud.

As he lay in the darkness, suddenly very aware that his bedroll was right beside Caleb’s, another realisation hit him like a blow to the chest.

He liked Caleb. Really liked him.

And, Caleb was his soulmate.

And either he wasn’t Caleb’s. Or Caleb didn’t want him to be.

\---

Hupperdook was not precisely what he’d expected, but it was a welcome break from caves and swamps and the open road. Admittedly Beau had told them exactly what it was but she had a general tendency to impulsively lie about things so nobody had really taken her seriously until they were halfway through the city and Jester still hadn’t found a mushroom house.

Fjord was probably a little bit too quick to agree to the drinking competition, but after the last few days the idea of getting blackout drunk sounded incredibly appealing.

Caleb had won his round spectacularly and had hugged him in victory. Briefly. It was more like a one armed slap on the back actually, but he’d been sort of off balance and fell into him just a little.

Gods he was pathetic.

After that he was even happier to throw his hat in the ring and drink as much as possible in as short at time as possible. For a very short time it actually seemed to help. His mind had stopped doing the… thinking thing at least. He’d won his own round, and cheered Nott on to ultimate victory.

The reality of being so drunk he couldn’t even see straight, never mind walk straight, soon began to sink in however. He realised that his stomach was turning over in a very uncomfortable manner in the middle of trying to defend his own honour to Beau. Much of the rest of the evening was spent leaning over an upstairs basin.  
He’d intended to venture back down, but he was only halfway down the stairs when he spied Caleb and Jester waltzing, a little raggedly, around the room. Caleb had a dopey sort of smile on his face as they swayed together and Fjord felt his stomach flip for a whole other reason. Except. Also not. A few seconds later he was back in the bathroom.

\---

The presiding memory he had of their capture was just, pain. Physical, emotional. It all really started to bleed into one after a few hours chained up in a cramped cage, knowing that their friends were soon going to wake and have no idea where to even start looking for them.

Jester barely stopped humming the whole journey, her eyes closed. Some of the songs he recognised; sea shanties she must have heard in Nicodranus, and a very rude little tune that Beau had taught them all on the road one day. A few he didn’t. Perhaps songs her mother had sang. She returned to Beau’s song more often than any others and his heart ached for her.

There was a brief moment when her gag had slipped.

“We’ll be okay,” she had said, her voice filled with conviction, “They’re going to come for us! Beau’s going to come…” and then one of the men had pulled her hair hard through the bars, sending her head crashing into them. Dazed and still reeling she could do nothing to stop the new, sturdy leather gag they forced over her mouth. Still she had hummed whenever she thought she could get away with it.

It must be nice. He supposed. To know with absolute certainty that someone out there cared enough to try to save you.

How long they’d been travelling for when the carts lurched to a sudden stop, Fjord had long since lost track. He heard voices, some familiar, others not. When he’d heard Beau shouting at Molly, his heart had soared, and Jester had sat bolt upright.

Then everything had gone dangerously quiet.

The next thing he knew the carts were moving once more, and the fate of their friends was unknown.

Fjord combed through his memory, trying to think whether he had heard Caleb or Nott say anything, if he had heard anyone else shout for them.

He couldn’t decide whether it would be worse if he had been there, or worse if he hadn’t.

Was it better that Caleb cared enough that he might now be dead? Or better that he had turned his back on them all and lived.

Fjord had let his head fall down on his chest, and let the world fade away.

\---

He heard the battle vaguely.

When everything went silent again he couldn’t tell whether he had simply dreamt it.

Then Jester was shouting, the sound muffled through her gag, and he blinked his eyes open just in time to see Nott hurtle through the open door of their cell and wrap her arms around her.

Finally free Nott lead them out of the cell. Beau was standing stock still, her eyes were filling with tears and she wasn’t even making a move to wipe them away. Jester hobbled over to her and practically fell against her. Fjord watched as they slowly sank to their knees, just quietly holding one another. His eyes passed over an unfamiliar dwarven woman, and a tall Firbolg man, and then the surprisingly familiar face of Shakaste. Yasha had been laid out on the table, still unconscious and bloodied, but it looked as though someone had done a healing spell on her at least. There was a shuffling off to the side, by the wall.

Caleb shuffled into his vision, a little more tattered around the edges than even he usually was, his hair was in disarray, there was blood all down his front, but he was alive and whole, and there.

It was probably lucky that Fjord’s legs were just barely keeping him upright at that moment, otherwise it would have taken all he had not to cross the distance between them and just kiss him. Damn everyone staring, and damn whether or not this whole soulmate thing went both ways. Caleb’s eyes were on him, and the relief in them was clear. Caleb was glad to see him. Caleb had come to save him. All of them.

Just like Trostenwald it would have been so easy for him to run. To take Nott and just leave them to their fate. Who could blame him? Lorenzo was formidable alone, never mind here, with all his team around him. Coming here had been practically suicidal. Yet he’d come.

He’d come, even after they’d lost Molly.

The awful silence that had followed Jester’s question regarding them had sent a cold chill down Fjord’s spine.

Molly had seemed so… eternal and solid.

He took their sword with a heavy heart, and a promise to honour the memory of his friend.

In the quiet that followed, he turned to Caleb, who had moved closer to the group and said quietly, “Caleb? Thank you,”

Caleb had blinked at him, apparently surprised. Like it was a given that he was here.

“Oh,” he said, “Group effort.”

“Sure it was.”

\---

If fighting a large group of gnolls in a mine drew a connection between a group of otherwise almost total strangers. Rescuing or being rescued from a highly dangerous gang of slavers made them something more like family. At least, Fjord thought so.

The shift in the group was subtle. Nothing was outwardly all that different in the way they acted or spoke. But they knew now the lengths to which they would all go to protect one another.

What was different, was that Caleb stopped avoiding Fjord, or Fjord stopped avoiding Caleb. Or perhaps both things were true.

Their first night back in Zadash, Caleb had sat himself down in front of him, raised a glass and said.

“Here’s to fucking making it work,”

Fjord hoped that he was focused enough on clinking their drinks together to not notice the way his eyes went wide at the re-iteration of the promise they’d made that first day on the road together. He’d been sure Caleb had forgotten, or at least, that Caleb hadn’t really cared enough to keep it in mind.

He spent much of the evening airing his fears, his guilt. Caleb, along with Beau, spent it telling him over and over not to blame himself.

“You cannot blame yourself when you’re taken advantage of,” Caleb had said.

But Fjord could, and he did, and he supposed he probably would for a while. It was still nice to hear it though and he was grateful to them both. Eventually Beau left the table to join Jester where she was dancing alone in the middle of the room. There wasn’t even any music, and Fjord shook his head a little. Marvelling at her resilience. Caleb had said he thought it was an act, and perhaps it was, but she was strong; and she had Beau to lean on if she needed to not be strong for a time.

He half-expected Caleb to get up and leave, but he stayed, the two of them sat drinking in comfortable silence until Caduceus practically fell against the table, far more drunk than he probably should have been, and the rest of the group slowly drew back together.

\---

It was sort of crazy to think back on where they’d come from to get to where they now were. Not just in the sense that they were currently semi-prisoners on the ship of a fanatical pirate captain who apparently had been visited by the same god-like entity that Fjord had. He really had just meant to ask some questions around Nicodranus, perhaps have some more fun at the beach, track down that bastard Sabien. Let Jester spend some time with her mother. Check out that weird has all heck tower.

Yet here they were.

The worst part of it all was the way everyone seemed to be looking to him to make decisions, to lead. He’d been uncomfortable leading even before the Iron Shepherds. Since then. Well. He had hardly made good decisions if they ended up with three of them captured, and one of them dead trying to rescue them. He wasn’t cut out to be a leader. He knew that now. But then they were out on the open sea and he could hardly lean on anyone else.

His talk with Avantika had left him ever more shaken. She was clearly far more knowledgeable about… Uk’atoa than he was. More fanatical too. He wasn’t some glory hunter. He wanted to know what was happening to him, he wanted to know what had happened to Vandren, but he had no desire to control the sea. He was fairly certain he had given a convincing enough act to keep himself and the others alive for now at least, but it had been disconcerting at best to hear all the words he had only ever heard together in his dreams, said aloud by someone else. Someone who was clearly taking them very much more to heart than he was.

On top of everything else Caleb had been acting weird since he got back.

He couldn’t get a handle on it. One second he seemed worried, the next suspicious and the next. Fjord didn’t want to say jealous. The idea of Caleb being jealous of Avantika seemed ridiculous. Mostly because nothing had happened and whilst Fjord wasn’t above using whatever connection she seemed to believe they now had by merit of being ‘chosen’ as she’d put it, he had no interest in getting any closer than necessary. The idea had its merits too, but Fjord refused to walk his mind down that road.

He wasn’t sure precisely when it was that he fell asleep. One minute he was staring up at the ceiling decidedly not rolling the way Caleb’s tone had shifted when he described them ‘flirting’ around in his head. The next the familiar slightly floaty sensation that came with his dreams overcame him once more.

He gasped awake, the dream still crystal clear in his head. He could practically feel the cold wind blowing around him and hear the crash of wood on water. He was sweating profusely, his breath coming out in pants. Vaguely, he realised that everyone was already awake and their eyes had all swung to him.

He thought he heard Jester say something.

“What?” he asked, and realised with a jolt that he was using his own voice, his real voice. He coughed and adjusted, and hoped to God nobody had noticed, “No, no I didn’t,” he said, realising that Jester had been asking if he’d had a dream.

When nobody believed that, he tried to make up a dream, but even he didn’t believe his own lies. Looking round at the group it was pretty clear they could all tell he was hiding something. He caught sight of Caleb, and for a moment he thought he looked… afraid. Then a moment passed and his expression was schooled into his usual frown.

“You sounded like you had a different accent for a moment there, Fjord,” he said quietly, and Fjord’s heart stopped. He swallowed.

“I don’t know. I’m pretty used to copying people. Sometimes when I have nightmares I get mixed up in my head,”

Caleb didn’t say anything else after that. Which was somehow worse than if he’d carried on interrogating him.

It wasn’t like he wanted to lie to him, and it wasn’t even that he was ashamed of his accent or the fact that he’d been using a different one. It was just that. Admitting it, out loud, to the others. Well it would make it weird. Make it really seem like he was just imitating Vandren. Jester knew, but only because she had known him before he made the decision to switch. To admit it to the others meant continuing would feel wrong, he’d feel the need to just go back to talking as he always had. He wasn’t ready to do that yet. At least not until he had some closure. Until he knew what had happened to Vandren. For certain. Until he could put this all to rest.

Then. Then he’d tell him. Them. He’d tell them.

\---

It’s a little thing.

If the world made sense, it wouldn’t have meant anything.

They were already deep into the Jungle when it happened. Taking a short break to gather themselves after a long morning of seemingly endless trudging through a landscape that, once you’d seen one part of it, there was very little to differentiate the rest. Jamedi at least seemed to know where he was going but Fjord was already feeling hopelessly turned around.

Beau, Jester and Caleb were sitting just a short way away from him. Beau, perched on a log, with Jester sat leaning back against her legs, sketching absently in her book.

“It’s weird,” she said, resting her pen and gazing around, “It’s like when we were out at sea, and everywhere you looked was sky or ocean, it was like being colour-blind again except everything was blue instead of grey, only now everything is green,”

Beau nodded, “At least you can see more shades of it now, before similar colours just seemed to blur together,”

“I guess,”

“And you know, there’s bits of other colours here and there, that clump of flowers over there,”

“Oh yeah,” Jester smiled, as she looked where Beau was pointing, Caleb looked up too.

“Would it be bad to pick some,” she asked, leaning her head back to look up at Beau, “I could put some in your hair, and mine,”

The smile Beau gave her was half-pained and half charmed. Fjord smiled too. Beau wasn’t generally the ‘flowers in her hair’ sort of girl, but he knew she’d do it. For Jester.

“If you like,” she said and Jester clapped her hands,

“Which colour should I get for you,” she asked, “I think the pink for me,”

“I don’t mind, whatever,”

“Beau!”

“The orange would look good,” said Caleb, and then he froze. For just a moment, so did Beau and Jester.

“How did you know that…” Beau started.

At the same time Jester asked, “Can you see colour, Caleb?”

Rather than answer, Caleb shot up from his seat and

Fjord stood frozen in place, even as the rest of the group began to move off without him. Beau and Jester both milling around Caleb, hissing in his ear to get answers. He looked between them, and the cluster of flowers they had been talking about. It was a while since he had had lived in that grey, flat world, but he had lived in it for thirty years. He still dreamt in grey some nights, when he wasn’t dreaming about giant ocean controlling sea serpents. Those flowers were clear enough to him now, but he knew before the world burst into colour, he couldn’t have told anyone what colours were there, maybe not even how many.

Caduceus, noticing his hesitation, walked back to him and guided him into a walk.

“Are you alright there, Captain,” he asked, and Fjord blinked. Shaking his head. Of course he wasn’t alright.

Caleb could see colour, and his entire world had just come crashing in on him. He had so many questions. ‘How long?’ was top of the list. ‘Why did you never say anything?’ was another. ‘Did you know it was my voice that did it?’ was up there too. Thankfully Caduceus seemed to think the best thing to do was just walk quietly alongside him and not pry. Fjord wasn’t sure what he would have said to him anyway. He didn’t even know how much Caduceus knew about soulmates. Growing up as he had so far away from civilisation at large, the chances of him meeting that person would have been incredibly low, whether he knew about it all or not. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to explain that he’d spent the last several months believing he was broken, or defective somehow, and now there was the distinct possibility that Caleb had known this whole time. Anger and confusion bubbled under his skin, and he tried to temper them. After all, he didn’t know, for sure, that Caleb had known any more than him.

In fairness to Caleb he had kept it all to himself as well. He might have been just as confused and lost as Fjord all this time. Perhaps moreso, if he hadn’t worked out whose voice it had been that had set this off in him. The familiar sensation that was guilt crept in along the myriad of other emotions he was feeling.

They needed to talk, and they needed to talk soon.

Which was just perfect, given that they were in unfamiliar territory, with two people who might turn on them all in an instant, one of whom he had it on reasonable authority was possibly interested in him. It wasn’t like he could just invite Caleb for a nice stroll to talk about their problems away from the rest of the group.  
\---

“Caleb,”

Caleb looked up from where he had just laid out his books, ready for spellcasting.

“Would you mind,” he coughed, “If it’s not a bother, could we maybe just take a walk, before you start puttin’ up the hut. I’d just feel better if we checked this place over a bit before we camp here, and well, you got a better eye for stuff than me,”

“Caduceus and Jester are scoping things out,”

“Yeah well, can’t be too careful right?”

Caleb’s eyes flickered around, as if he were looking for an escape route, or an excuse.

That made for a good start. Fjord sighed, feeling the resolve he’d been building over the last three hours of travel draining away. If Caleb didn’t want to talk to him, then...

“It’s fine… If you don’t want…”

“No, I mean, yes,” Caleb reached forwards and started packing away his things, “That is, if it will make you feel more secure,”

“It would,”

Caleb nodded, tucking his books back into their holsters, the coat he left lying on the ground. Fjord called over to the odd little gang that was Beau, Nott, Avantika and Jamedi, that they were going to check in the opposite direction to Jester and Caduceus.

“Really get the lay of the land, you know,”

Beau gave them a slightly funny look, and Nott looked like she wasn’t completely happy with the idea, but Caleb gave her a nod and she, reluctantly, let it drop.

Fjord waited until they were well out of ear shot before pulling Caleb behind the first convenient ruined wall they came across that would hide them both from sight. There they both stood, in silence. Caleb’s eyes were doing that flickering thing again, though to his credit he made no attempt to walk away.

“So what now,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

“You’re my soulmate,”  
It felt weird to say it out loud. Freeing, and also terrifying all at the same time.

“And you’re mine,”

“How…” Fjord paused, knowing that he needed to ask, but terrified of what the answer might be. “How long have you known?”

Caleb sighed, taking a step back and leaning himself against the ruin.

“For sure?” he said, “Not til just a few minutes ago, but I suspected from this morning,”

Fjord blinked.

“What?”

“Well that was when I started seeing in colour,”

“But we’ve been… I mean you’ve been hearing my voice for months,”

“Have I?” Caleb raised an eyebrow at him, frowning slightly. Fjord gaped.

This morning. This morning when he had woken from the dream. This morning when Jester had taken him by surprise, when he hadn’t quite collected himself before he answered. This morning when he had used his true accent in front of Caleb for the very first time. He’d even noted that Caleb had looked strange. Caleb himself had been the one to comment on it.

How could it be that simple? That all this time, he had been doing this to himself. The world wasn’t broken at all, and neither was he. The universe hadn’t fucked up. He had. Caleb truly had been his soulmate, this whole time, and he hadn’t even known. Had no way of knowing that Fjord was torturing himself.

“You seem… remarkably calm about this,” he managed to say. His mouth was dry.

Caleb looked out towards the treeline, a small smile coming and going on his face so quickly that Fjord would have missed it, if he hadn’t been paying such close attention. “I suppose, after the initial shock. It made sense,”

Of course it made sense to Caleb. Caleb was smart. Ridiculously smart it seemed sometimes.

“That brain of yours is kind of a wonder you know,”

“Well it didn’t take long to realise you’ve been using a fake accent this whole time, and that, that had somehow, hindered whatever reaction I was supposed to have upon hearing you speak,” Caleb turned his gaze back to Fjord, catching his eye as he added, “That’s not what I meant though,”

There was something in that gaze. Something Fjord had seen before, but never from Caleb. Not even in his weaker moments, when he imagined… well, this moment, he supposed. Ever since the Iron Shepherds, there had been something resembling warmth in the way Caleb looked at him, and he had clung to that like a drowning sailor to driftwood. Hoping it might mean that, even if Caleb never had that moment of realisation Fjord had had, there was still a chance for something between them. Some sort of feeling.

The look in his eyes now had that same warmth, but alongside it was something of that barmaid from Berleben, and that woman in Hupperdook, or Avantika herself. Not to mention others, before. More and more as he had left behind the awkward, nervous little half-orc child he had once been. Something he still saw every now and then, when he let himself remember Sabien as he had been, before he betrayed them all.

Want.

“What. What did you mean?”

Caleb sighed. Turning his gaze away again.

Fjord felt the loss of it. Desperately wanted him to look at him again.

“You really put a wrench in everything you know,” said Caleb, “All of you actually, but you, you were a wrench of a more unexpected nature,”

Fjord had no idea what he meant by that.

“I was, supposed to just travel with you whilst it was convenient. Maybe get some gold as a group. Keep a low profile by surrounding myself with, louder more prominent individuals. Gain a little extra protection for myself, and Nott,” he laughed, “Leave. When it stopped being convenient.”

Fjord thought perhaps he should be a little hurt by that admission, but honestly it really rather tallied with much of what he’d thought when they’d first banded together. He might have hoped it would one day stop being true, but he’d thought it all the same.

“Do you know, I tried to leave when you were all… taken,” Caleb continued, and that stung, a little, even if it still wasn’t wholly a surprise, “I took watch, alone. I sat there, all night and told myself every single negative thing about all of you. All night, and then it was morning, and then off we went to find you all,”

A strange, slightly masochistic part of Fjord wanted to ask what Caleb had told himself about him to convince himself to leave; but it didn’t matter. In the end Caleb hadn’t left.

“You know,” said Caleb, rolling his eyes skyward, “I didn’t properly realise it until I saw you come out of that cell, and you were alive.”

“Realise what?”

Finally. Finally Caleb looked at him again.

“How much I needed you to be okay,” he said it with such intensity Fjord almost felt the need to step back. “How I had been lying to myself from the very start. Then suddenly this morning the world was bright, and colourful, and the only thing that had changed was the tone of your voice. And it made sense. Why I felt so drawn to you from so early on. Why you, more than any of the others, felt like someone I had to be careful around. Even though you weren’t my soulmate there was still a pull I couldn’t afford to have if I was ever going to just walk away. When you pulled that sword on me, I thought that was the push I needed, but then… you know, you just kept creeping back up on me,”

“I never apologised for that did I?” said Fjord, and Caleb raised a brow, as if that were a stupid question.

“There is no need…”

“There is. It was impulsive and hasty and quite frankly overkill considering how things then turned out,” he took a step forward, and then another, each step taking just a little more courage, until he was barely a foot away from Caleb, “I apologise, if you can forgive me,”

“Then I accept,” he replied, still holding his gaze. Fjord felt the weight and meaning in that. He knew Caleb was not hugely comfortable with eye-contact, “If you’ll do me the same courtesy and forgive me for being rude, and selfish, and reckless that same night,”

“I think I can do that,”

Caleb nodded, and finally looked away. Fjord let it happen, shifting his own eyes to look at the wall behind Caleb instead. Several seconds of silence followed.

“So what happens now?” Fjord asked, and Caleb looked down at the ground between them.

“I don’t know,” he replied, “I am… not a good person Fjord, no don’t do that… scoffing thing. I have done things, many terrible things in my past. Unforgivable things. Including using all of you,”

“Ain’t using if we’re offering you know,”

Caleb huffed, “Besides which I have, things, that I want to do, things I have to achieve. To remedy all of that. I don’t know if I can ask you to be a part of that,”

“You don’t have to ask,” he reached forward, slowly, to take Caleb’s hand. He startled slightly, but allowed it.

“Just like that?”

“You’re my soulmate Caleb. I don’t exactly know what that means. Hell I guess it means whatever we decide it means. You know what, it doesn’t even matter. Whatever you’ve done, and you don’t have to tell me right now, but whatever it is, it’s done. All I know right now is that you walked into hell for me, and for Jester and Yasha. You’re here right now, facing who knows what. For me, to help me understand everything that’s going on. I see you, worry about Jester, I know that you lent Frumpkin to Beau when she was down. I’ve seen you talking with Yasha, and encouraging Caduceus. The way you are with Nott… I can see how much you love her. You’ve gone into fight after fight with us, hell you’ve saved my life more times than I can remember even. So no. It’s not. Just like that. As far as I’m concerned, this soulmate thing, it’s an added bonus for me, because as far as I can see, the man that you are right now is not a terrible person, but a wonderful one.”

Caleb stood gaping, apparently speechless. Which was something of an achievement really.

“I…” he shook his head, “I think we will agree to disagree on that,”

“For now,” Fjord replied, “In the meantime, you got any plans to leave any time soon?”

Caleb shook his head once more, “Nein,”

“That’s good,”

“I am on an island in the middle of nowhere. I’m rather stuck with you at the moment,”

“Really know how to make a soulmate feel special,”

“I’m not going to just leave, Fjord,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Whatever this is, it means something. You know me, I’m always curious. I would like to know what it is about us the universe thinks is so… special.”

“Ah so I’m an experiment,” he said laughing.

“A kind, and rather handsome experiment, if that makes you feel better about it,” Caleb added with a slight cock of his head and that small, barely there smile of his.

He felt himself flush. Hating the way that his charisma always seemed to desert him at the first sign of a compliment.

“I like you Fjord,” he admitted, catching his eyes every few words, “I’ve liked you for a lot longer than I would have ever admitted to if we’d simply carried on this dance of pretense, and do not think that we’re not going to talk one day about why you stayed silent for months on end,”

“Why not now?”

Caleb rolled his eyes and leant forward, pulling down on the hand he had held in his own to draw Fjord in.

Kissing Caleb was like coming up for air after drowning.

It was as if Fjord hadn’t realised for just how long he had been holding his breath and desperately waiting for this exact moment to exhale and breathe anew. Caleb smelt like salt and earth and ash all at once.

Caleb’s free hand slid carefully across his neck. Long dexterous fingers making their way up, until they were tugging gently at the short hairs at the base of his head. The feeling of it sent a shiver all through Fjord, and the surprise he had felt, which had left him almost motionless at first, gave way. He crowded forwards, moving Caleb back so he was flush against the wall once more, mouth hot on his; kissing him back with a fervour he had never known himself capable of before. He gripped Caleb’s hand tightly in his own, moved his own to rest it on his waist and came up against the hard outline of a book. Momentarily distracted he laughed slightly, pulling away just enough that Caleb had to chase him.

“You and these damn books,” he murmured against lips that found his again a moment later. His hand went to Caleb’s jaw instead, fingers raking across the early stages of a new beard.

“Without these damn books I wouldn’t have my magic,” Caleb muttered back, as Fjord moved to kiss his neck, arching slightly to accommodate him. Fjord had to refrain from laughing again when the books pressed against his chest.

“And that would be a damned shame,” he said instead, nipping, ever so gently at the skin just above his collar.

Caleb moved to cup his face with his free hand, pushing him back so he could look him in the eyes again.

Before he could say anything, there was a high pitched yell from not too far away. Concern mingled immediately with disappointment and Fjord pushed away. Breaking contact with Caleb after taking so long to get there felt like ripping a limb off, and he could only hope that feeling would go away eventually. Perhaps once they’d really had time to themselves. Though given the group they traveled with, and the general rule that something was bound to go wrong fairly often, he wasn't holding out a huge amount of hope of that being anytime soon.

“Some day, we’ll have time to finish this,”

“Some day, maybe” echoed Caleb, pushing himself away from the wall,

“Caleb! Fjord! Where the FUCK are you!”

“We’ll make it work,” Fjord said, and he just had time to catch Caleb’s surprised expression before he broke into a run towards Beau’s pissed off yelling

It had taken them long enough to get here. They could wait a few more days.


End file.
